So Silly

Why do people call me to talk to me when they are in a bad mood? I don't get it. When I am in a bad mood I don't show that to other people, it makes no sense. I hate getting calls from a friend when they're in a bad mood, I just feel like I'm being attacked the whole time. I just don't get it.

So it's been a while since I've posted. I'll be posting 4th and 5th grade later. The two worst years of my school life lol.

While we wait for that I think I should post about something. I'm not really sure what to post, I'm bad at this "i'm going to randomly post!"

I think I'll do a series of post detailing the symptoms I have.

School Life - Second and Third Grade

Second grade wasn't that bad from what I can recall, which isn't much. I was made fun of at lunch time and recess daily for being weird. People pushed me aside and made little groups dedicated to disliking me. I didn't know why, I didn't talk to anyone and I tried to stay out of trouble as much as I could; however, it always round me. I enjoyed school at this point I had my same teacher from first grade and she was nice and worked with me. I still didn't have friends in the class but I did manage to make an acquaintance. We went out on multiple occasions, mostly because my grandmother knew his father. I believe this is the only reason. I didn't really consider us friends. I got along with a boy named Johnathan and his twin sister. He gave me his number and we talked at times. We both liked the spice girls. Eventually he stopped talking to me and started to insult me. I'm not sure why. This has happened with many of my acquaintances. They would suddenly start disliking me and ignore me and cut ties. I all the long oblivious to what just happened.

In school I was the good student. I scored in every subject, with the exception of social skills. My teachers thought I was some disorder since I appeared antisocial. I don't see how they thought that. In the beginning I tried to make friends and talk to people, it just never worked out. By the age of 9 I began to form anxiety to social situations.

I also made an acquaintance named Gary. I didn't like him much, but he talked to me and was polite, unlike everyone else.

Third grade was the LAST good year. It's kind of sad to look back and say for 12 years I've had issues dealing with others.

Third grade was one of the better years. I still had the same class form first and second grade so I slowly started to get along with more people. I would say most of my class stopped making so much fun of me. Some still did, but it wasn't so bad. I enjoyed classes and that was the year that I started my love for English and creative writing. I still hated recess and lunch and I would try to get to stay with the teacher at those times but most of the times that never happened. There was a girl who liked me. I waved and said hello and went on my way. I made the mistake of holding her hand in gym class, I think she misread what happened. I held her hand because we were in a line and the last time I was in a line I held hands. School trip.

There were a number of people I still had issues with. At recess they would gang up on me, and attack me. I would retaliate. I would always get in trouble. I would explain what happened but I was always the one who was wrong. If I was being attacked by several people I shouldn't push them or hit them and then go tell the teacher. I would go and tell the teacher, even if I'm in a position where I can't.

My parents were called in on multiple occasions. The teachers would say I probably have several mental problems which just annoyed my parents. I was a quiet boy who was intelligent and was often picked on.

I enjoyed my teacher, she was extremely nice. That's all I really have to say about her.

So yeah that's really about it.

Computer downage

My computer was down. That's pretty much it.

Mini Rant

I have rather specific interest and I like to talk about them to people sometimes. I constantly had and still have the issue of when I do, they don't care to listen. I feel they must listen. I constantly talk about things I don't care about and fake being interested all the time. I laugh when I think it's necessary and I fully listen to what other people say, or at least convey the actions of listening. For the majority of my life however, I've usually just been told to shut up, or to stop talking. Told on many occasions that no one cares either. It's pretty annoying. I just don't see why don't even have the decency to fake listening. Instead of being straight up rude.

When I do find people with similar interest, I unfortunately end up lecturing them about things versus conversing with them on the given topic. It's a habit, I can't pretend I don't know something and just let mistakes go, they have to be corrected. I don't mind being corrected if I'm wrong about something. I learn that many people hate to be corrected, they just get down right hostile. It makes absolutely no sense. I guess ignorant people like to stay in bliss.

I was suppose to make a post about school yesterday, I'll make it later today.

Arguments

I don't get most people when it comes to debates. Or any type of argument for that matter. People say things they don't mean all the time, and it's just to annoy the other or just to be pig headed. I never find out till days later that what they said before wasn't true. It just seems totally silly.

Tomorrow I'll be posting 2-3 grade. I don't really remember much though. I should probably speak about my childhood outside of school.

School Life - K & First Grade

Kindergarten! I was five when I started. School for me was mostly a horrible experience. Kindergarten was probably one of the better years. I didn't get along with a lot of people. I was one of the brighter children in my class, along with two others. We were pulled aside often to do work independent of the class. I remember learning things like the difference between to, too, and two. Oh fun times. I tried to get along with other kids in the beginning. I tried talking to them, didn't work well. I was very interested in politics and music. I try to spend time speaking politics to five and six year olds. Obviously it didn't go over well.

Later during the school year I became more and more ostracized and children began to pick on me, or try. I was a tough kid. They would hit me, try to bully me, and I'd stab them with a pencil or slam their fingers in doors. For the rest of my elementary school years (k-5) my kindergarten teacher went around to every teacher I had. Telling them to all watch out for me, saying I'm a problem child who causes trouble. I found it interesting being that she saw them bullying me and just saw me reacting. I once had my arms held behind me while another kid pushed me in my stomach. I got free and punched one of them in the eye, magically I was the one who was in the wrong. Silly silly Ms. Felco.

I don't remember much, I never made any friends in the first grade and I hardly talked to anyone. I did try but I failed. Kindergarten is a blur, it was so long ago. I do remember the graduation to first grade party however. Which wasn't that much fun for me. I just wanted to stay by my mother and eat cake.

First Grade! This is when things went downhill for me and I began to develop social anxiety. I tried hard to get along with other people. I often went up to people and talked to them. I thought I was having conversations but in retrospect I was just talking "at" them. I was still very interested in politics and would discuss war and economy. Six and Seven year olds aren't really interested in those subjects. Some of my teachers were and my grandfather whom I had discussions with which could last hours.

Back to interactions. I talked to kids, tried to. I was always called weird and was always pushed aside. It wasn't sad or lonely. I felt pressed to speak to others because my teachers kept telling me to and my parents wanted me to.  Back then I didn't understand most facial expressions, if they're overt I will, but who wouldn't, regardless of Asperger's? I didn't get tones most of the times and I never understood sarcasm, I actually still don't. I take everything literally and it's frustrating speaking to people who are very sarcastic and joking. Anyway, back to first grade! I did very well in school. I scored E for excellent (highest score) on everything except when it came to social skills. There were 5 categories, which I don't remember. I just know I had 1-2/5 scores in each. "He's a very bright kid and he's a joy to speak to but he never gets along with others" was the constant statement. I feel others don't get along with me.

I began getting very stressed and would often sit in the back of the class (where my seat was) constantly tapping the metal lockers next to me with my shoe. My teacher thought I was doing it just to be annoying and disrupt the class on purpose. The majority of the time I never noticed I was doing it. My parents were called in multiply times, my seat was moved closer to the teachers desk.

I love research, research is very fun. I sat at the teachers desk collecting information on the students. Their addresses, numbers, parents names, and home life. I compulsively research everything. Everyday after school I'd come home and would constantly research whatever new obsession I had. Durring first grade I was still interested in politics and I would come home, read books, look at the news, read newspapers regarding the subject of the country and political leaders.

In the second half of the year I got a new teacher. Who was my favorite teacher. I had her for two years straight because she requested us again in second grade. I cried when she left the school, it was a sad day, June 26th. She worked with me and helped me improve on my people skills. The improvments were little, extremely little. So little they didn't impact anything; however, the fact she tried to help versus labeling me ADHD and saying nothing more, was a nice thing. I made two friends in first grade. I even went to birthday parties on two occasions. At the actually party I just wanted to stay close to the person i knew but I couldn't and would often find myself alone just waiting to eat and leave.

So yeah, that's all.