I have rather specific interest and I like to talk about them to people sometimes. I constantly had and still have the issue of when I do, they don't care to listen. I feel they must listen. I constantly talk about things I don't care about and fake being interested all the time. I laugh when I think it's necessary and I fully listen to what other people say, or at least convey the actions of listening. For the majority of my life however, I've usually just been told to shut up, or to stop talking. Told on many occasions that no one cares either. It's pretty annoying. I just don't see why don't even have the decency to fake listening. Instead of being straight up rude.
When I do find people with similar interest, I unfortunately end up lecturing them about things versus conversing with them on the given topic. It's a habit, I can't pretend I don't know something and just let mistakes go, they have to be corrected. I don't mind being corrected if I'm wrong about something. I learn that many people hate to be corrected, they just get down right hostile. It makes absolutely no sense. I guess ignorant people like to stay in bliss.
I was suppose to make a post about school yesterday, I'll make it later today.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Arguments
I don't get most people when it comes to debates. Or any type of argument for that matter. People say things they don't mean all the time, and it's just to annoy the other or just to be pig headed. I never find out till days later that what they said before wasn't true. It just seems totally silly.
Tomorrow I'll be posting 2-3 grade. I don't really remember much though. I should probably speak about my childhood outside of school.
Tomorrow I'll be posting 2-3 grade. I don't really remember much though. I should probably speak about my childhood outside of school.
Monday, August 16, 2010
School Life - K & First Grade
Kindergarten! I was five when I started. School for me was mostly a horrible experience. Kindergarten was probably one of the better years. I didn't get along with a lot of people. I was one of the brighter children in my class, along with two others. We were pulled aside often to do work independent of the class. I remember learning things like the difference between to, too, and two. Oh fun times. I tried to get along with other kids in the beginning. I tried talking to them, didn't work well. I was very interested in politics and music. I try to spend time speaking politics to five and six year olds. Obviously it didn't go over well.
Later during the school year I became more and more ostracized and children began to pick on me, or try. I was a tough kid. They would hit me, try to bully me, and I'd stab them with a pencil or slam their fingers in doors. For the rest of my elementary school years (k-5) my kindergarten teacher went around to every teacher I had. Telling them to all watch out for me, saying I'm a problem child who causes trouble. I found it interesting being that she saw them bullying me and just saw me reacting. I once had my arms held behind me while another kid pushed me in my stomach. I got free and punched one of them in the eye, magically I was the one who was in the wrong. Silly silly Ms. Felco.
I don't remember much, I never made any friends in the first grade and I hardly talked to anyone. I did try but I failed. Kindergarten is a blur, it was so long ago. I do remember the graduation to first grade party however. Which wasn't that much fun for me. I just wanted to stay by my mother and eat cake.
First Grade! This is when things went downhill for me and I began to develop social anxiety. I tried hard to get along with other people. I often went up to people and talked to them. I thought I was having conversations but in retrospect I was just talking "at" them. I was still very interested in politics and would discuss war and economy. Six and Seven year olds aren't really interested in those subjects. Some of my teachers were and my grandfather whom I had discussions with which could last hours.
Back to interactions. I talked to kids, tried to. I was always called weird and was always pushed aside. It wasn't sad or lonely. I felt pressed to speak to others because my teachers kept telling me to and my parents wanted me to. Back then I didn't understand most facial expressions, if they're overt I will, but who wouldn't, regardless of Asperger's? I didn't get tones most of the times and I never understood sarcasm, I actually still don't. I take everything literally and it's frustrating speaking to people who are very sarcastic and joking. Anyway, back to first grade! I did very well in school. I scored E for excellent (highest score) on everything except when it came to social skills. There were 5 categories, which I don't remember. I just know I had 1-2/5 scores in each. "He's a very bright kid and he's a joy to speak to but he never gets along with others" was the constant statement. I feel others don't get along with me.
I began getting very stressed and would often sit in the back of the class (where my seat was) constantly tapping the metal lockers next to me with my shoe. My teacher thought I was doing it just to be annoying and disrupt the class on purpose. The majority of the time I never noticed I was doing it. My parents were called in multiply times, my seat was moved closer to the teachers desk.
I love research, research is very fun. I sat at the teachers desk collecting information on the students. Their addresses, numbers, parents names, and home life. I compulsively research everything. Everyday after school I'd come home and would constantly research whatever new obsession I had. Durring first grade I was still interested in politics and I would come home, read books, look at the news, read newspapers regarding the subject of the country and political leaders.
In the second half of the year I got a new teacher. Who was my favorite teacher. I had her for two years straight because she requested us again in second grade. I cried when she left the school, it was a sad day, June 26th. She worked with me and helped me improve on my people skills. The improvments were little, extremely little. So little they didn't impact anything; however, the fact she tried to help versus labeling me ADHD and saying nothing more, was a nice thing. I made two friends in first grade. I even went to birthday parties on two occasions. At the actually party I just wanted to stay close to the person i knew but I couldn't and would often find myself alone just waiting to eat and leave.
So yeah, that's all.
Later during the school year I became more and more ostracized and children began to pick on me, or try. I was a tough kid. They would hit me, try to bully me, and I'd stab them with a pencil or slam their fingers in doors. For the rest of my elementary school years (k-5) my kindergarten teacher went around to every teacher I had. Telling them to all watch out for me, saying I'm a problem child who causes trouble. I found it interesting being that she saw them bullying me and just saw me reacting. I once had my arms held behind me while another kid pushed me in my stomach. I got free and punched one of them in the eye, magically I was the one who was in the wrong. Silly silly Ms. Felco.
I don't remember much, I never made any friends in the first grade and I hardly talked to anyone. I did try but I failed. Kindergarten is a blur, it was so long ago. I do remember the graduation to first grade party however. Which wasn't that much fun for me. I just wanted to stay by my mother and eat cake.
First Grade! This is when things went downhill for me and I began to develop social anxiety. I tried hard to get along with other people. I often went up to people and talked to them. I thought I was having conversations but in retrospect I was just talking "at" them. I was still very interested in politics and would discuss war and economy. Six and Seven year olds aren't really interested in those subjects. Some of my teachers were and my grandfather whom I had discussions with which could last hours.
Back to interactions. I talked to kids, tried to. I was always called weird and was always pushed aside. It wasn't sad or lonely. I felt pressed to speak to others because my teachers kept telling me to and my parents wanted me to. Back then I didn't understand most facial expressions, if they're overt I will, but who wouldn't, regardless of Asperger's? I didn't get tones most of the times and I never understood sarcasm, I actually still don't. I take everything literally and it's frustrating speaking to people who are very sarcastic and joking. Anyway, back to first grade! I did very well in school. I scored E for excellent (highest score) on everything except when it came to social skills. There were 5 categories, which I don't remember. I just know I had 1-2/5 scores in each. "He's a very bright kid and he's a joy to speak to but he never gets along with others" was the constant statement. I feel others don't get along with me.
I began getting very stressed and would often sit in the back of the class (where my seat was) constantly tapping the metal lockers next to me with my shoe. My teacher thought I was doing it just to be annoying and disrupt the class on purpose. The majority of the time I never noticed I was doing it. My parents were called in multiply times, my seat was moved closer to the teachers desk.
I love research, research is very fun. I sat at the teachers desk collecting information on the students. Their addresses, numbers, parents names, and home life. I compulsively research everything. Everyday after school I'd come home and would constantly research whatever new obsession I had. Durring first grade I was still interested in politics and I would come home, read books, look at the news, read newspapers regarding the subject of the country and political leaders.
In the second half of the year I got a new teacher. Who was my favorite teacher. I had her for two years straight because she requested us again in second grade. I cried when she left the school, it was a sad day, June 26th. She worked with me and helped me improve on my people skills. The improvments were little, extremely little. So little they didn't impact anything; however, the fact she tried to help versus labeling me ADHD and saying nothing more, was a nice thing. I made two friends in first grade. I even went to birthday parties on two occasions. At the actually party I just wanted to stay close to the person i knew but I couldn't and would often find myself alone just waiting to eat and leave.
So yeah, that's all.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
A quick post
I don't know why I find this so significant to post, but I just got off the phone with one of my friends (1 out of 2). She's one of those high emotional types. Very often we get into arguments. I always ask for her to explain why she's so worked up. Usually I can tell what happened, I just never understand why "that" made her upset or annoyed even if I know what it was. It's very frustrating indeed.
I love her but I just can't stand talking to her sometimes. She's usually complaining about something that annoyed her or bothered her, and oh my god, there are so many things. Or she's going on and on about some guy and a new relationship. I just stop listening usually and make little noises of acknowledgement, such as: Uh huh, yeah, (fake laugh), oh.
She's one of my very very few friends, so I can't do much besides tell her about all of this. When I do though, she just complains about how I'm rude and all. I'm not rude, I am just honest.
Unfortunately, I have the stereotypical lack of empathy and sympathy to people. I have much empathy to my pets though, and to movie characters. People though... most of the times, I just can't relate. Even in logical relatable situations, I just can't relate at all.
Question:
Why do people want dishonest friends?
I love her but I just can't stand talking to her sometimes. She's usually complaining about something that annoyed her or bothered her, and oh my god, there are so many things. Or she's going on and on about some guy and a new relationship. I just stop listening usually and make little noises of acknowledgement, such as: Uh huh, yeah, (fake laugh), oh.
She's one of my very very few friends, so I can't do much besides tell her about all of this. When I do though, she just complains about how I'm rude and all. I'm not rude, I am just honest.
Unfortunately, I have the stereotypical lack of empathy and sympathy to people. I have much empathy to my pets though, and to movie characters. People though... most of the times, I just can't relate. Even in logical relatable situations, I just can't relate at all.
Question:
Why do people want dishonest friends?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Well Hello.
I rather remain secretive, so for all purposes my name is "Aspie". I know, original. I've been thinking about starting a blog about myself. A sort of diary if you will. So yeah, that's it pretty much. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I think I'll make several post about how my life has been and how it is now.
There is no purpose to this, but I can see how it could educate other people about people with Asperger's. The next few post will be about my past, through school and such. Maybe 1 post per year. K through HS.Which is pretty awesome, sarcasm. So yeah, that's all for now.
Tata
There is no purpose to this, but I can see how it could educate other people about people with Asperger's. The next few post will be about my past, through school and such. Maybe 1 post per year. K through HS.Which is pretty awesome, sarcasm. So yeah, that's all for now.
Tata
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)