Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Jokes

I hardly ever get jokes. When I do get them it's usually 8 hours later when the person doesn't care anymore. For example. My uncle asked me what am I going to do. I wasn't sure what he meant so I needed further clarification. I asked if he met in the future, like a career, and he said yes. I told him I want to be a dentist so he replied "you want to play in peoples mouths?" and I said "I guess so" and he said "I know you don't know any girls." and I was completely confused what he was talking about. I thought about it on and off all day and it finally came to me 9 hours later.

This time of thing happens to me very often. I often call my friends, the few I have, the next day saying "Oh i get it now!" after thinking about it on and off. They find it funny but one of them does the same thing as me.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Job!

So I'm 20, and it's time I get a job. I've never had one and honestly I have no clue what I will be doing. I've been looking around I filled out a few of those employment quizzes that are suppose to tell what personality you are so they can see whether or not you fit, and I'm getting the sense I don't fit.

I'm thinking of jobs like Janitor or mail room things. They don't seem to be too socially heavy.

Moving

So I've been moving so I haven't made a post in a while but I am starting back up today!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

School Life - Seventh Grade

So I've been without internet so this is VERY late.

Seventh grade was the grade when I finally made long standing friends. The friendship lasted five years and broke down due to stupidity.

I didn't enjoy most of my classes. I did however, enjoy music and English, in that order. Music class was the best class for me. I was allowed to practice in the vault and never go to lunch. I hated lunch. It was loud and there were often too many people. There was this girl at lunch who would hit me in the head with these little things and the boy from 6th grade liked to slap me on my head whenever I cut my hair. A girl took pity on me and tried to be my friend; however, things didn't work out since she saw me as a snob.

How I came to make two friends I find very odd. I was in math class and I took part in a game of charades. A girl who was to become my friend for the next five years slapped me when I guessed correctly a song that she loved. She said there was no way I could have known it and should have stopped lying. She then hugged me and laughed. I didn't get it, I still don't get it. It just makes no sense. I was confused.

The second friend was also weird. I don't know how we became friends. He was very outgoing and loud. In line he skipped me and I got upset and went back in place, he then proceeded to push me and curse me out.

I wasn't liked by anyone but those two, and even then barely. We didn't become good friends until two years later.

In music class I had fun playing music. I got made fun of and people would sing songs about me. I was bothered but there wasn't much I could do. I didn't do much but stay quiet and gave everyone the finger. Soon they started to mock me for giving the finger so much. Saying I should sit on it.

I got low grades except in a few classes like music where I consistently got 90s and above. I became obsessed over the trombone and would play it as much as I could. I became the schools best trombone player and was told I was the best trombone player they've had in 5 years. I didn't like attention and I refused to play with the band when they went out. I was just too nervous to do things like that.

My band mates bothered me in the vault. They would make fun of the way I said things and say overall mean things. I didn't enjoy it much but I just ignored them and continued to play.

Gym class was hell as usual. I hated it. I failed a few classes and was soon put on locker room duty where all I did was make sure the rooms were clear and then sit out the rest off the class. People would make fun of me there too but it didn't bother me so much. I would sit down and people would throw things at me. It was annoying. My friend, who was more of an acquaintance at this time would also sit out classes. We would talk. I enjoyed giving lectures during the class. People would make fun of me though. I was a smart ass who knew everything.

I had a bit of a bully he was very annoying. I ignored him most of the time. There were also three boys who were his friends that often tagged along. I refuted much of what they said using logic. Which apparently made me stupid.

I was followed once from school and someone stole my trombone, but they gave it back later.

I sometimes walked home on the block people walked on. One of the girls I disliked insisted on walking with me. She kept making comments about how oddly I walked. She asked me why I swung my arms so much and I told her it was because I had something in my left hand.

I don't know what to do with my arms most of the times but when I have someone in one hand I assume I should move the other.

I finished the school year, grades not all that good but good enough to get me into the second top class.

Monday, September 27, 2010

School Life - Sixth Grade

On my first day of Sixth Grade I was early and I met with my teachers. They were both very nice. I was put in a "slower learning" class despite being highly intelligent and a quick learner. Both of my teachers were confused why i was there. I had the math skills of a high school senior and the vocabulary level of one in college, yet I was in slower learning classes.

I went through much of the same, being taught things I already knew, but this time I was given advanced material by my teachers to work on separately. I was thrilled. I was actually learning something in school again. I had choir in this year. I have an okay singing range and voice but I was worried about singing in public, so I didn't. I sung once. My class being people who were slow learners and rowdy, where very annoying and loud. I couldn't take it most of the time. I would put my head down and drive my thumb into my middle finger while they yelled.

I got into a few altercations in this year. A boy spat on me. I don't know why. I stayed out of others business and tried to stay by myself as much as I could, but I was always a target. The boy who spat on me highly annoyed me. I started to strangle him, someone grabbed me from behind and insisted he punch me, but he didn't. I went back to class as if nothing happened. The teacher told me I can't go around fighting people when they do something like that, but she said he deserved it, and smiled. Another boy used to stick his finger in my face all the time, I grabbed it and tried to break it but I was stopped.

At lunch time I was picked on, people would say things about me, but I did have one friend. I don't remember his name now, but we got along. I used to lecture people in gym class about science, no one listened much. I hated gym, I never got dressed and just sat on the bleachers.

At lunch again! I got side tracked, at lunch I got into a fight. I accidentally popped a button on a boys shirt so he came over and punched me in the head. He punched me about five times. While he was punching me I was thinking the whole time. "Why is he doing this, what is happening?" He walked away after that, and I punched him in the back of his head. He fell and I got picked up by the dean. I don't remember her name but she was fighting cancer and had a few legions on her face, she lost her fight four years later. I liked her, we had to write about what we did. I didn't think I did anything wrong. My parents had to go to school and it was very bothersome. I didn't tell my parents they had to come to school until the next morning.

There was a girl, Christina, whom I hated. She used to bother me all the time and would put her finger in my face. I grabbed her wrist when I got to my breaking point and forced her to the ground until she apologized. I didn't get in trouble for this. Another boy who did the same thing (sixth grade was pull of face pointers) I punched in the stomach.

I made another friend during sixth grade now that I think about it. He was nice to me and we talked sometimes. That's about it. I got an award during this grade for straight A+'s on all my English reports. Math and Science although my passion, I did horribly. I never did homework. I passed sixth grade and went onto an advanced seventh grade class. Although it was an advanced class I still felt everyone wasn't that smart and my classes were still simple.

School Life - Fourth and Fifth Grade

Fourth Grade was the beginning of my downfall. I was thrust into a class with all new people and a teacher who didn't understand me. She was a first year teacher and foolishly listened to my kindergarten teacher's comments about me, those being "i'm a problem child" and to "watch out for me". I didn't know anyone, and I tried to get to know others but it didn't work well. The kids ending up hating me and everyone talked bad about me. Several times they tried to jump me, but I was good at protecting myself.

I hated my teacher, she didn't seem intelligent. I was educating her about things she was teaching in history, which I found ridiculous. I lost all respect for her but I didn't show this through disrespect. I was still respectful, but I made sure to insert little tid bits into the lesson after class. I never raised my hand, I was too scared to speak in front of others.

At times I would get too overworked in the classroom. It was loud and there were always kids screaming and yelling and talking. I often just asked for a bathroom pass and went walking around the school building for 10-15 minutes. The building was pretty big. I'd get back to class, sit down, and do whatever I wanted. It was usually related to what the class was studying, just more advanced. I did a lot of studying outside of school too, it's all I did. 


Fifth Grade was my last year in elementary school and my worst. My teacher taugh all the classes and she only taught one type of class. Math. I loved math before her but it was too much. I also enjoyed English and I barely got a chance to do it in the class. The teacher didn't like me, the science teacher who came by twice a week didn't like me. I used to correct my science teacher on things and he called me "bitchy" to the entire class. He also once grabbed me by my arm when I was in front of class and erased something he did wrong and corrected it. I went straight to the principal's office and told him about what happened. At this point in time the only person who liked me was the principal. People made fun of me a number of times. I was quiet most of the time and withdrawn. they would constantly call me names and it used to bother me, but I soon started to ignore them all. My 5th grade teacher listened to what my Kindergarten teacher said and labeled me a problem child. It was so annoying. I got along with one boy who knew me from second grade. I didn't consider us friends but he thought I was his very good friend. There was a boy who liked me, but we didn't get along well. He used to tap me and it bothered me. He tapped me on my shoulder once and I was trying to ignore him, I just got upset and punched him in the face. The principal just told me I have to control myself, and let it go.


I was ostracized at lunch time. I couldn't sit at the table with the boys, they bothered me too much. Boys are bullies. I sat with the girls usually with one other boy but the girls were just as annoying and pushed me out eventually. I mostly sat at an empty lunch table made to accommodate 20 people. I did the same thing in Kindergarten and first grade. 


In my last year I started getting really bad grades. I didn't care about work anymore and was more interested in what I was interested in, so I focussed on that. At the end of the year I graduated and won a few awards. I had the highest standard test scores for English and Math in the state for Elementary students. I took a few pictures with my parents while everyone else were taking pictures with their friends. I had none but one boy, who sat at the girls table, asked to take a picture with me. I said yes, the picture was taken. We went out to eat, me and my parents, and that was the end of my Elementary life. Sadly Junior High started and a minor hell.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Faces

I can't read expressions. It's a pretty typical problem. I was speaking to my cousin yesterday and he made a face that I didn't understand. Shortly after I laughed a fake laugh of course, but then I had to think about it. I don't think my laugh was correct and I spent a long time going over in my head his expression. I get so frustrated when I can't read expressions, I rarely can anyway, but it still bothers me. I'm a very analytical person, and I calculate everything I'm going to do based off the situation. If I can't gather information from an expression I don't know how to react. I end up pausing at times in the middle of face to face conversation.

People have a tendency to say things while showing a face that doesn't correlate with what they're saying. At least I think so, so it just annoys me.

Friday, September 17, 2010

So Silly

Why do people call me to talk to me when they are in a bad mood? I don't get it. When I am in a bad mood I don't show that to other people, it makes no sense. I hate getting calls from a friend when they're in a bad mood, I just feel like I'm being attacked the whole time. I just don't get it.

Monday, September 13, 2010

So it's been a while since I've posted. I'll be posting 4th and 5th grade later. The two worst years of my school life lol.

While we wait for that I think I should post about something. I'm not really sure what to post, I'm bad at this "i'm going to randomly post!"

I think I'll do a series of post detailing the symptoms I have.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

School Life - Second and Third Grade

Second grade wasn't that bad from what I can recall, which isn't much. I was made fun of at lunch time and recess daily for being weird. People pushed me aside and made little groups dedicated to disliking me. I didn't know why, I didn't talk to anyone and I tried to stay out of trouble as much as I could; however, it always round me. I enjoyed school at this point I had my same teacher from first grade and she was nice and worked with me. I still didn't have friends in the class but I did manage to make an acquaintance. We went out on multiple occasions, mostly because my grandmother knew his father. I believe this is the only reason. I didn't really consider us friends. I got along with a boy named Johnathan and his twin sister. He gave me his number and we talked at times. We both liked the spice girls. Eventually he stopped talking to me and started to insult me. I'm not sure why. This has happened with many of my acquaintances. They would suddenly start disliking me and ignore me and cut ties. I all the long oblivious to what just happened.

In school I was the good student. I scored in every subject, with the exception of social skills. My teachers thought I was some disorder since I appeared antisocial. I don't see how they thought that. In the beginning I tried to make friends and talk to people, it just never worked out. By the age of 9 I began to form anxiety to social situations.

I also made an acquaintance named Gary. I didn't like him much, but he talked to me and was polite, unlike everyone else.

Third grade was the LAST good year. It's kind of sad to look back and say for 12 years I've had issues dealing with others.

Third grade was one of the better years. I still had the same class form first and second grade so I slowly started to get along with more people. I would say most of my class stopped making so much fun of me. Some still did, but it wasn't so bad. I enjoyed classes and that was the year that I started my love for English and creative writing. I still hated recess and lunch and I would try to get to stay with the teacher at those times but most of the times that never happened. There was a girl who liked me. I waved and said hello and went on my way. I made the mistake of holding her hand in gym class, I think she misread what happened. I held her hand because we were in a line and the last time I was in a line I held hands. School trip.

There were a number of people I still had issues with. At recess they would gang up on me, and attack me. I would retaliate. I would always get in trouble. I would explain what happened but I was always the one who was wrong. If I was being attacked by several people I shouldn't push them or hit them and then go tell the teacher. I would go and tell the teacher, even if I'm in a position where I can't.

My parents were called in on multiple occasions. The teachers would say I probably have several mental problems which just annoyed my parents. I was a quiet boy who was intelligent and was often picked on.

I enjoyed my teacher, she was extremely nice. That's all I really have to say about her.

So yeah that's really about it.

Computer downage

My computer was down. That's pretty much it.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Mini Rant

I have rather specific interest and I like to talk about them to people sometimes. I constantly had and still have the issue of when I do, they don't care to listen. I feel they must listen. I constantly talk about things I don't care about and fake being interested all the time. I laugh when I think it's necessary and I fully listen to what other people say, or at least convey the actions of listening. For the majority of my life however, I've usually just been told to shut up, or to stop talking. Told on many occasions that no one cares either. It's pretty annoying. I just don't see why don't even have the decency to fake listening. Instead of being straight up rude.

When I do find people with similar interest, I unfortunately end up lecturing them about things versus conversing with them on the given topic. It's a habit, I can't pretend I don't know something and just let mistakes go, they have to be corrected. I don't mind being corrected if I'm wrong about something. I learn that many people hate to be corrected, they just get down right hostile. It makes absolutely no sense. I guess ignorant people like to stay in bliss.

I was suppose to make a post about school yesterday, I'll make it later today.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Arguments

I don't get most people when it comes to debates. Or any type of argument for that matter. People say things they don't mean all the time, and it's just to annoy the other or just to be pig headed. I never find out till days later that what they said before wasn't true. It just seems totally silly.

Tomorrow I'll be posting 2-3 grade. I don't really remember much though. I should probably speak about my childhood outside of school.

Monday, August 16, 2010

School Life - K & First Grade

Kindergarten! I was five when I started. School for me was mostly a horrible experience. Kindergarten was probably one of the better years. I didn't get along with a lot of people. I was one of the brighter children in my class, along with two others. We were pulled aside often to do work independent of the class. I remember learning things like the difference between to, too, and two. Oh fun times. I tried to get along with other kids in the beginning. I tried talking to them, didn't work well. I was very interested in politics and music. I try to spend time speaking politics to five and six year olds. Obviously it didn't go over well.

Later during the school year I became more and more ostracized and children began to pick on me, or try. I was a tough kid. They would hit me, try to bully me, and I'd stab them with a pencil or slam their fingers in doors. For the rest of my elementary school years (k-5) my kindergarten teacher went around to every teacher I had. Telling them to all watch out for me, saying I'm a problem child who causes trouble. I found it interesting being that she saw them bullying me and just saw me reacting. I once had my arms held behind me while another kid pushed me in my stomach. I got free and punched one of them in the eye, magically I was the one who was in the wrong. Silly silly Ms. Felco.

I don't remember much, I never made any friends in the first grade and I hardly talked to anyone. I did try but I failed. Kindergarten is a blur, it was so long ago. I do remember the graduation to first grade party however. Which wasn't that much fun for me. I just wanted to stay by my mother and eat cake.

First Grade! This is when things went downhill for me and I began to develop social anxiety. I tried hard to get along with other people. I often went up to people and talked to them. I thought I was having conversations but in retrospect I was just talking "at" them. I was still very interested in politics and would discuss war and economy. Six and Seven year olds aren't really interested in those subjects. Some of my teachers were and my grandfather whom I had discussions with which could last hours.

Back to interactions. I talked to kids, tried to. I was always called weird and was always pushed aside. It wasn't sad or lonely. I felt pressed to speak to others because my teachers kept telling me to and my parents wanted me to.  Back then I didn't understand most facial expressions, if they're overt I will, but who wouldn't, regardless of Asperger's? I didn't get tones most of the times and I never understood sarcasm, I actually still don't. I take everything literally and it's frustrating speaking to people who are very sarcastic and joking. Anyway, back to first grade! I did very well in school. I scored E for excellent (highest score) on everything except when it came to social skills. There were 5 categories, which I don't remember. I just know I had 1-2/5 scores in each. "He's a very bright kid and he's a joy to speak to but he never gets along with others" was the constant statement. I feel others don't get along with me.

I began getting very stressed and would often sit in the back of the class (where my seat was) constantly tapping the metal lockers next to me with my shoe. My teacher thought I was doing it just to be annoying and disrupt the class on purpose. The majority of the time I never noticed I was doing it. My parents were called in multiply times, my seat was moved closer to the teachers desk.

I love research, research is very fun. I sat at the teachers desk collecting information on the students. Their addresses, numbers, parents names, and home life. I compulsively research everything. Everyday after school I'd come home and would constantly research whatever new obsession I had. Durring first grade I was still interested in politics and I would come home, read books, look at the news, read newspapers regarding the subject of the country and political leaders.

In the second half of the year I got a new teacher. Who was my favorite teacher. I had her for two years straight because she requested us again in second grade. I cried when she left the school, it was a sad day, June 26th. She worked with me and helped me improve on my people skills. The improvments were little, extremely little. So little they didn't impact anything; however, the fact she tried to help versus labeling me ADHD and saying nothing more, was a nice thing. I made two friends in first grade. I even went to birthday parties on two occasions. At the actually party I just wanted to stay close to the person i knew but I couldn't and would often find myself alone just waiting to eat and leave.

So yeah, that's all.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

A quick post

I don't know why I find this so significant to post, but I just got off the phone with one of my friends (1 out of 2). She's one of those high emotional types. Very often we get into arguments. I always ask for her to explain why she's so worked up. Usually I can tell what happened, I just never understand why "that" made her upset or annoyed even if I know what it was. It's very frustrating indeed.

I love her but I just can't stand talking to her sometimes. She's usually complaining about something that annoyed her or bothered her, and oh my god, there are so many things. Or she's going on and on about some guy and a new relationship. I just stop listening usually and make little noises of acknowledgement, such as: Uh huh, yeah, (fake laugh), oh.

She's one of my very very few friends, so I can't do much besides tell her about all of this. When I do though, she just complains about how I'm rude and all. I'm not rude, I am just honest.

Unfortunately, I have the stereotypical lack of empathy and sympathy to people. I have much empathy to my pets though, and to movie characters. People though... most of the times, I just can't relate. Even in logical relatable situations, I just can't relate at all.

Question:

Why do people want dishonest friends?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Well Hello.

I rather remain secretive, so for all purposes my name is "Aspie". I know, original. I've been thinking about starting a blog about myself. A sort of diary if you will. So yeah, that's it pretty much. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I think I'll make several post about how my life has been and how it is now.

There is no purpose to this, but I can see how it could educate other people about people with Asperger's. The next few post will be about my past, through school and such. Maybe 1 post per year. K through HS.Which is pretty awesome, sarcasm. So yeah, that's all for now.

Tata